A prayer for love

We ask for prayer for the LGBTIQ2+ community in Colombia that is being systematically assassinated across the country. We ask for prayer for this community that creatively resists discrimination and violence. 
A line of people stand behind a row of candles on the ground and the LGBTQ flag
A vigil in Barrancabermeja, Colombia, to honour the lives lost by violence against the LGBTQ2+ community.

This poem honours all of those who have died and those who continue to resist: you are not alone!


I still feel like a child,

and I still wish I was with all my soul.

I feel like I would not survive if I were alone in this world.

I ask God every night,

—because they have taught me that I must pray, and I do have faith—

because I am still a child,

and they have taught me that God fits into a simple prayer.


At family gatherings, I heard it said to everyone, “if I had a faggot son I would prefer he were a drug addict or a thief, or I would simply kill him.”

Because why would one want a fag for a child?

I saw everyone respond, “yes, yes, of course, why would you want to have a child like that,” and my mother agreed. I understood what was being said, and I felt every single one of those words and every one of the responses.

I also heard my relatives ask my mother why I was so feminine when I spoke and my mother responded that she didn’t know. 


When I hear that people want to kill me, I get very afraid.

I have seen death before, I have seen it in the streets and in the shops.

I have felt its blows, I have seen it in the eyes of my friends and family members.

That’s why I prayed before and why I pray now,

for my nightmares to stop,

for the nightmares to never return.


My death wishes started early on,

the ghost of suicide with whom I speak since I was a child

has always been there.

I see him clearly,

I can tell him apart from my other emotions,

without knowing when I will be free of him.

I have spent many nights praying,

praying that my life will be different when I awake,

that tomorrow will be different,

that he won’t be there to greet me. 


When I was younger I prayed to change,

to become someone that they wanted me to be.

But as my faith changed

I started to pray that I would awake and become the person I want to be,

that I would become the man that I have hidden under all my prayers.

So that when I fall in love, people will see me as I am,

and they can see me bloom.


I pray for love,

for God’s forgiveness,

for my mother to forgive me.

I continue praying that the world may love me,

that they may see me for who I am.

I often feel as though God doesn’t hear me,

I feel like I’m praying to a God who is deaf, blind, and mute.

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